Concern #5: How to survive "Bike Days" with Love and Logic

When it comes to the children’s safety on the playground, it is of utmost importance that we set limits and that we are firm about the consequences if the limits are not respected. This is especially important during the week of “bike days” when kids decorate and bring in their own bikes or borrow bikes on the play yard. The situation that I have found to have the most potential for unsafe behavior is the bike path in the play yard at our co-op.  Some typical unsafe behaviors around this bike path include: a.) kids refusing to wear their helmets when they ride bikes b.) kids insisting on going into the bike shed to pull out their own bikes from high shelves c.) kids going the wrong way on the bike path and crashing into others d.) kids running into each other on bikes on purpose e.) kids running across the bike path without looking out for who might run them over f.) multiple kids trying to ride a bike that is meant for just one child and g.) Kids squirting each other with water bottles that are only supposed to be used for washing bikes. On top of all of that, there is of course the sharing issue when two kids get angry at each other because they both want to use the same bike at the same time. 

      Because of the chaotic nature of bike days, teachers and parent volunteers will most likely have to dole out a lot of “on the spot” consequences for irresponsible choices made by preschoolers. In my observations of this event in years past—having to come up with on the spot consequences for unexpected behaviors is not effective. Not only are the consequences sometimes unreasonable and unenforceable—(the two types of consequences that we are supposed to avoid according to the Love and Logic text), they are also communicated in anger and frustration by the teacher or parent and are followed by a lecture because the authority figure is shocked that the child would do something so dangerous. As the authors of Love and Logic assert, this is a disastrous way to dole out consequences because it robs the consequence of becoming a learning opportunity for the child and instead gives the child an excuse to blame the authority figure for the consequence without looking into their own actions.  Bike days is probably the trickiest time to apply the Love and Logic approach to consequences but it is also the most important time to do it—and do it right. 

      According to Love and Logic, we should give up control/ownership of a child’s problem and/or choices as much as we can in order to keep some control and guidance over the child as he/she increasingly gains independence. That said, even the authors of this text admit that if the child’s problem affects us personally or puts the child in a dangerous situation, then it is okay to take some ownership and have a reaction to the effects that the child’s behavior has on us. It is understandable that the problems that arise during bike days on the yard feel like our own personal problems since it might be us that are blamed for a child’s injury because we are the responsible supervisor or it might be us that rushes our child to the hospital etc. However, I think that with the proper preparation, parents can shift the responsibility of staying safe on the playground to the preschoolers in a neutral un-protective/firm yet loving way as the Love and Logic authors promote. The trick is thinking through how we will implement our Love and Logic approach to choices and consequences BEFORE bike days. Here is my plan for what needs to happen before the week of bike days in order to make our Love and Logic approach a success:

A.) As a team, teachers and parents should come up with a list of rules to be followed for safety during bike days.  For every rule, come up with ways to phrase affirmative choices around that rule so that the preschoolers don’t feel like they are being ordered around or being told “no” all day. 

Examples:

“Riding a bike is only a choice if we can protect our heads with a helmet. Let me know when you want to put your helmet on and I will help you get your bike from the bike shed.”

“What would you like to do with the water bottle? You can squirt the water on your bike to wash it or your can squirt it on things around you as long as we are careful not to get our friends wet.”

“You can ride your bike fast or you can ride your bike slow but all bikes have to go the same direction on the bike path and they can only go when nobody is going to get hit in front of us. If you feel like chasing your friends around, you can go to the other playground and play tag. Bikes are a different and they are not for playing tag. Please choose where you would like to play.” 

B.)  Reasonable and enforceable consequences need to be discussed and learned by the teacher/parent volunteer team in advance of the week of bike days so that consequences are consistent, enforceable and imposed in a clear headed non emotional way. For example, if the teachers/parents decide that certain behaviors warrant putting children in a different playground where bikes are not available then they need to make sure that there is an adult available to supervise those children on that other yard. If the teachers/parents decide that too many kids squirting each other with water bottles means that the water bottles get put away, then they should come up with an alternative activity that the children can do so that we do not face a group of ten bored angry preschoolers after the water bottles have been put away.

The parents/teachers should also rehearse the language that they will use to impose the consequence (especially the empathetic reaction after the child faces the consequences) in order to avoid frustration and anger seeping in to their tones of voice on the day they impose consequences during bike days. We do not want anger or frustration to become the emotion of choice reigning in the playground for bike days because, after all, it is supposed to be a positive and exciting event.

Examples of “consequence” language/strategies to be used:

“Sing “uh oh” song if a child has crashed into another child on purpose while you swiftly remove him/her from the bike and place him/her in the alternative yard. Make sure that you do not give any positive or negative attention to them while you do it. If the child is upset, comfort them with words like “I know it doesn’t feel good to be away from the bike yard. We would be happy to have you join us there again after ten minutes. In the meantime you can take a little time to think about how you can say sorry to the friend you crashed into, I’m sure your friend will appreciate the apology and will want to play with you again once you give him/her his space on the bike. If you need help on how to say sorry, I’m sure the mommy on this yard would be happy to help you. She can help you remember how to be safe on the bike yard too if you want her help.

 If a child starts riding a bike without a helmet: Remove child from bike swiftly and say “I would be happy to have you join us riding bikes once you choose to keep your head safe with a helmet. Would you like help putting on your helmet or would you like to do it yourself. Let’s walk together to go get it, can you help me find which one is yours? I’m sure glad all of our friends are being responsible and keeping their heads safe during bike days.”

If kids start fighting over a water bottle, take the water bottle in  your own hand and start saying “It looks like we might need to ask our friend for a turn if we want the water bottle to stay here in the play yard. Would you like to take a three-minute turn or a five minute turn before you share it with your friend? Is there any way we can wash this bike together and take turns squirting water on it and rubbing soap on it? It’s so much more fun to wash bikes together with friends—I bet you guys will do double the good job and the bike will be cleaner than it’s ever been. Can you show it to me when you guys are done? Can I give this water bottle back to you two so you can work together or does the water bottle need a time out?” If they don't cooperate, take the water bottle away and put it in a spot where it cannot be seen or reached by children.

C.) It is important to model the interpersonal skills needed to be successful responsible choice-makers for the preschool children. It is also important to introduce the limits and choices available to the preschoolers BEFORE they get to the chaotic setting of the bike yard when they are not all within ear shot. The approved activities for bike days/”choices” and the limits/consequences for breaking the rules should be introduced to the children throughout the days leading up to bike days within the calm context of the classroom. Certain situations and behaviors could even be rehearsed/modeled by the children in front of their peers so that everybody is given a chance to reflect about what they are supposed to do and given tools/language on HOW TO do it. “Bike days” can be phrased as an opportunity to show our teachers and each other how responsible we can be around bikes while we are having fun.  This is in keeping with the emphasis on modeling interpersonal skills throughout the Love and Logic text. As the authors assert, it is important to model for students the language, attitudes and strategies to be successful choice makers—we need to lead through examples and not orders.  Here are some phrases/strategies and attitudes that we could model for the children:

-How to get a bike we want out of the bike shed: Go to a teacher and say “Help please. I would like someone to help me get the bike out of the bike shed safely”.

-How to ask for someone not to get so (dangerously) close to us on a bike:

Get out of their way, stop your bike in a safe spot and say to them “Space please.” They should be two feet away from you. Show the students what two feet looks like. If the preschooler does not respect your space after that then tell a grown up. (The teacher/parent can even give the dangerous driver a "ticket" in the form of a red card and if they get more than one, they will be swiftly removed to the other yard).

-How to ask for a turn: “May I use the bike/water bottle in three more minutes? I’ll wait until you are done with your three minute turn.” Say thank you when the person shares the toy with you for three minutes. Ask for a grown up to help you figure out when three minutes have passed. (Teachers/parents can even give the kids egg-timers just for the purpose of waiting for turns).

Good luck!