Concern #6: How to address preschoolers that interrupt you and each other

The situation of preschoolers interrupting a grown up when a grown up is addressing the class, reading a book or speaking to another grown up is quite common in any preschool including ours. Children that are three thru five years old get really excited to make connections between what others are saying and what they are thinking—interruptions are rarely done with any malicious intent and, if any thing, it is a sign of the students’ enthusiasm for learning at this age. Yet, interruptions lead to situations that tempt grown ups to snap at the child to not interrupt a.) without modeling interpersonal skills that would give the child other options other than interrupting b.) without using “thinking words” or choices when addressing the child’s problematic behavior and c.) without setting any true limits.  As with all other situations, the Love and Logic approach to the situation of teaching preschool students not to interrupt includes a.) modeling the desired interpersonal skills/behavior so that kids have the tools to make better choices b.) presenting kids with choices in an affirmative way using thinking words and c.) setting limits in a firm/un-protective yet loving/empathetic way. In this particular setting, I will discuss these three aspects of the Love and Logic approach as they relate to the situation of preschoolers interrupting teachers, parents and each other.

A.) Modeling interpersonal skills that would give the child other options other than interrupting

I realized a couple of years ago, that the preschoolers at our school would get angry and yell at each other when they were interrupted by one of their peers. One rude action was the response to another rude action and the situation of aggression would escalate. Then I realized that the grown ups were modeling that anger and frustration at being interrupted in the way they were snapping at the kids that were interrupting them when they were addressing the class. The first thing that the grown ups at our preschool need to do is to model kind behavior towards the person that is interrupting us as we show them different options for requesting attention/a time to speak. Correcting someone when they interrupt us should not become an excuse to be unkind to each other—especially because our actions and attitudes towards each other are what kids are learning in terms of interpersonal skills no matter how much we may preach to students that they be kind to each other. This is in keeping with the idea introduced at the beginning of the Love and Logic text—that kids do what we do, and have the attitudes that we have modeled for them. Our actions and attitudes have a much deeper effect on our students than our words/lectures.

Besides, modeling a kind emotionally neutral yet firm reaction to interruptions, adults at the preschool should also model ways to avoid interrupting someone when they are speaking. The second half of the Love and Logic text includes practical applications for the Love and Logic Approach to problematic behavior—these applications are called “Pearls” in the text. There is one particularly useful pearl that we can apply from this text to our preschool children. This pearl demonstrates how we can teach children to implement a non-verbal request to speak without being so disruptive to the person speaking. When a grown up is speaking in a one-on-one situation to someone else, the child can come up to the grown up and touch him/her to let him/her know that they have something to say once the grown up is done speaking. The grown up can then touch the child’s hand back to acknowledge that he/she knows that the child is waiting to speak. This is a way to make a request to speak without interrupting the person speaking. It does not work however when a grown up is addressing all of the preschoolers on the rug or reading a book to them however since we don’t want fifteen preschoolers all going up to and touching the grown up because they have a something to say.  In the context of not interrupting a person addressing a group, we can model for children how they are supposed to use yet another non-verbal indicator that they want to speak—by teaching them to raise their hand to let us know they are waiting for their turn to speak. We can also model phrases they can use to politely let the person know that they want to say something to them: phrases such as:  “Is this a good time to tell you something? Is this a good time to make a connection with what you said? When you finish your story I would like to say something too.” Finally, we can model not interrupting by not interrupting each other as grown ups and not interrupting our preschoolers when they are talking to us. When preschoolers are sharing out on the rug, for example, we can say--"Is it okay to add something to what you said now Danny, or would  you like more time to talk?" It is a good idea to teach a lesson on ACTIVE LISTENING and to have a talk about how to have a conversation in a polite way without interrupting at the beginning of the school year when we model how story time and story time sharing should look like.  This is also a great opportunity to teach them interpersonal skills that are invaluable for their success in future school settings.

B.) Present kids with choices in an affirmative way using thinking words

Before addressing a group of preschoolers, we can remind them of their choices when it comes to sharing out to the group without interrupting the original speaker:

Example:

“I would love to hear your thoughts about what I am going to read after I am done reading this page. At the end of the page I will give you a chance to get a better look at the picture and to raise your hand to share out any of your thoughts. Remember to speak up after I have picked your raised hand, that is how you know that it is your turn to talk.”

  

( PS: We should also have reasonable expectations about how long a child can hold their thoughts about topics being shared out and we, as grown ups, should allow for plenty of opportunities for children to share their thoughts when a book or something interesting is being talked about instead of having the unreasonable expectation that they will be silent throughout the reading of a whole book or the explanation of an art project etc. It is not developmentally appropriate to expect the kids to sit in silence that long).

“I see that you really want to share something with me.  Once I finish saying what I am saying I would be happy to give you a chance to say whatever you want to say. If we both start talking at the same time though, neither one of us will understand each other and then we will just have to stop the conversation. I really want to hear what you have to say, can you let me share with you what I want to say so that we can keep this conversation/story time going?”

“I would love to hear what you have to say after we are done listening quietly to what our friend has to say”. 

"Uh oh, my ears hurt when everybody is talking at the same time. Can you please wait your turn to talk after your friend--that way my ears can stop hurting and I can keep listening to everything you all want to share one at a time. I don't want to have to end this conversation over ear pain". 

c.) Setting limits in a firm/un-protective yet loving/empathetic way.

If we find ourselves needing to apply consequences because kids interrupt the teacher after a warning or because they talk over kids that were waiting their turn to speak with their hands raised, here are some examples of how we can apply consequences:

“Danny, I see that you are choosing not to wait your turn to talk when all of these kids have sat patiently with their hands up waiting for their turn to talk.  I’m going to have to ask you to leave our conversation until you are ready to listen to your friends.” Swiftly remove child from the rug (or have another grown up do it) and give them a quiet activity to do in a separate (supervised) area while the conversation/story time winds down.

 After they have had some time alone to reflect, we can tell the child something like this:

 “I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to hear what you had to say. I think it would have made our conversation so interesting.  You can tell me now, now that no one is being interrupted”

or

“ I would love to hear what you have to say the next time that we are on the rug and you raise your hand and wait for your turn to talk.  If you ever want to practice how to let someone know you want to talk in a quiet way let me know, I’d be happy to practice with you.”

or

“I know that it is hard to be patient and wait to share something we really want to say. You know what I do while I’m waiting to share? I put all of my brain power in listening to what the person talking is saying or I look at the face of the person talking to make the time go faster before my turn. Do you have any ideas for what you could do to pass the time while somebody else is talking and you are waiting to say what you want to say? Doing something else while we wait for something sure makes the time go by faster doesn’t it?”

Good luck!

Concern #5: How to survive "Bike Days" with Love and Logic

When it comes to the children’s safety on the playground, it is of utmost importance that we set limits and that we are firm about the consequences if the limits are not respected. This is especially important during the week of “bike days” when kids decorate and bring in their own bikes or borrow bikes on the play yard. The situation that I have found to have the most potential for unsafe behavior is the bike path in the play yard at our co-op.  Some typical unsafe behaviors around this bike path include: a.) kids refusing to wear their helmets when they ride bikes b.) kids insisting on going into the bike shed to pull out their own bikes from high shelves c.) kids going the wrong way on the bike path and crashing into others d.) kids running into each other on bikes on purpose e.) kids running across the bike path without looking out for who might run them over f.) multiple kids trying to ride a bike that is meant for just one child and g.) Kids squirting each other with water bottles that are only supposed to be used for washing bikes. On top of all of that, there is of course the sharing issue when two kids get angry at each other because they both want to use the same bike at the same time. 

      Because of the chaotic nature of bike days, teachers and parent volunteers will most likely have to dole out a lot of “on the spot” consequences for irresponsible choices made by preschoolers. In my observations of this event in years past—having to come up with on the spot consequences for unexpected behaviors is not effective. Not only are the consequences sometimes unreasonable and unenforceable—(the two types of consequences that we are supposed to avoid according to the Love and Logic text), they are also communicated in anger and frustration by the teacher or parent and are followed by a lecture because the authority figure is shocked that the child would do something so dangerous. As the authors of Love and Logic assert, this is a disastrous way to dole out consequences because it robs the consequence of becoming a learning opportunity for the child and instead gives the child an excuse to blame the authority figure for the consequence without looking into their own actions.  Bike days is probably the trickiest time to apply the Love and Logic approach to consequences but it is also the most important time to do it—and do it right. 

      According to Love and Logic, we should give up control/ownership of a child’s problem and/or choices as much as we can in order to keep some control and guidance over the child as he/she increasingly gains independence. That said, even the authors of this text admit that if the child’s problem affects us personally or puts the child in a dangerous situation, then it is okay to take some ownership and have a reaction to the effects that the child’s behavior has on us. It is understandable that the problems that arise during bike days on the yard feel like our own personal problems since it might be us that are blamed for a child’s injury because we are the responsible supervisor or it might be us that rushes our child to the hospital etc. However, I think that with the proper preparation, parents can shift the responsibility of staying safe on the playground to the preschoolers in a neutral un-protective/firm yet loving way as the Love and Logic authors promote. The trick is thinking through how we will implement our Love and Logic approach to choices and consequences BEFORE bike days. Here is my plan for what needs to happen before the week of bike days in order to make our Love and Logic approach a success:

A.) As a team, teachers and parents should come up with a list of rules to be followed for safety during bike days.  For every rule, come up with ways to phrase affirmative choices around that rule so that the preschoolers don’t feel like they are being ordered around or being told “no” all day. 

Examples:

“Riding a bike is only a choice if we can protect our heads with a helmet. Let me know when you want to put your helmet on and I will help you get your bike from the bike shed.”

“What would you like to do with the water bottle? You can squirt the water on your bike to wash it or your can squirt it on things around you as long as we are careful not to get our friends wet.”

“You can ride your bike fast or you can ride your bike slow but all bikes have to go the same direction on the bike path and they can only go when nobody is going to get hit in front of us. If you feel like chasing your friends around, you can go to the other playground and play tag. Bikes are a different and they are not for playing tag. Please choose where you would like to play.” 

B.)  Reasonable and enforceable consequences need to be discussed and learned by the teacher/parent volunteer team in advance of the week of bike days so that consequences are consistent, enforceable and imposed in a clear headed non emotional way. For example, if the teachers/parents decide that certain behaviors warrant putting children in a different playground where bikes are not available then they need to make sure that there is an adult available to supervise those children on that other yard. If the teachers/parents decide that too many kids squirting each other with water bottles means that the water bottles get put away, then they should come up with an alternative activity that the children can do so that we do not face a group of ten bored angry preschoolers after the water bottles have been put away.

The parents/teachers should also rehearse the language that they will use to impose the consequence (especially the empathetic reaction after the child faces the consequences) in order to avoid frustration and anger seeping in to their tones of voice on the day they impose consequences during bike days. We do not want anger or frustration to become the emotion of choice reigning in the playground for bike days because, after all, it is supposed to be a positive and exciting event.

Examples of “consequence” language/strategies to be used:

“Sing “uh oh” song if a child has crashed into another child on purpose while you swiftly remove him/her from the bike and place him/her in the alternative yard. Make sure that you do not give any positive or negative attention to them while you do it. If the child is upset, comfort them with words like “I know it doesn’t feel good to be away from the bike yard. We would be happy to have you join us there again after ten minutes. In the meantime you can take a little time to think about how you can say sorry to the friend you crashed into, I’m sure your friend will appreciate the apology and will want to play with you again once you give him/her his space on the bike. If you need help on how to say sorry, I’m sure the mommy on this yard would be happy to help you. She can help you remember how to be safe on the bike yard too if you want her help.

 If a child starts riding a bike without a helmet: Remove child from bike swiftly and say “I would be happy to have you join us riding bikes once you choose to keep your head safe with a helmet. Would you like help putting on your helmet or would you like to do it yourself. Let’s walk together to go get it, can you help me find which one is yours? I’m sure glad all of our friends are being responsible and keeping their heads safe during bike days.”

If kids start fighting over a water bottle, take the water bottle in  your own hand and start saying “It looks like we might need to ask our friend for a turn if we want the water bottle to stay here in the play yard. Would you like to take a three-minute turn or a five minute turn before you share it with your friend? Is there any way we can wash this bike together and take turns squirting water on it and rubbing soap on it? It’s so much more fun to wash bikes together with friends—I bet you guys will do double the good job and the bike will be cleaner than it’s ever been. Can you show it to me when you guys are done? Can I give this water bottle back to you two so you can work together or does the water bottle need a time out?” If they don't cooperate, take the water bottle away and put it in a spot where it cannot be seen or reached by children.

C.) It is important to model the interpersonal skills needed to be successful responsible choice-makers for the preschool children. It is also important to introduce the limits and choices available to the preschoolers BEFORE they get to the chaotic setting of the bike yard when they are not all within ear shot. The approved activities for bike days/”choices” and the limits/consequences for breaking the rules should be introduced to the children throughout the days leading up to bike days within the calm context of the classroom. Certain situations and behaviors could even be rehearsed/modeled by the children in front of their peers so that everybody is given a chance to reflect about what they are supposed to do and given tools/language on HOW TO do it. “Bike days” can be phrased as an opportunity to show our teachers and each other how responsible we can be around bikes while we are having fun.  This is in keeping with the emphasis on modeling interpersonal skills throughout the Love and Logic text. As the authors assert, it is important to model for students the language, attitudes and strategies to be successful choice makers—we need to lead through examples and not orders.  Here are some phrases/strategies and attitudes that we could model for the children:

-How to get a bike we want out of the bike shed: Go to a teacher and say “Help please. I would like someone to help me get the bike out of the bike shed safely”.

-How to ask for someone not to get so (dangerously) close to us on a bike:

Get out of their way, stop your bike in a safe spot and say to them “Space please.” They should be two feet away from you. Show the students what two feet looks like. If the preschooler does not respect your space after that then tell a grown up. (The teacher/parent can even give the dangerous driver a "ticket" in the form of a red card and if they get more than one, they will be swiftly removed to the other yard).

-How to ask for a turn: “May I use the bike/water bottle in three more minutes? I’ll wait until you are done with your three minute turn.” Say thank you when the person shares the toy with you for three minutes. Ask for a grown up to help you figure out when three minutes have passed. (Teachers/parents can even give the kids egg-timers just for the purpose of waiting for turns).

Good luck!

Concern #4: Encouraging sharing among preschoolers

An issue that comes up a lot at our co-op preschool is that of sharing toys with our friends in the classroom.  It is important to address the students when they are struggling to get their hands on the same toy before the situation escalates into a fight. We should step in A.) by presenting choices in an affirmative way using thinking words to the child about sharing  B.) by setting limits/imposing consequences un-protectively but with empathy C.) by modeling attitudes and language that can be used by the children in interpersonal interactions to facilitate sharing.

A.) When a child does not want to share a toy with another child we can offer them options on how to share in an affirmative way using thinking words. We can make them aware of the consequences if they do not share using these thinking words as well. Thinking words are different than fighting words in that they are not negative, they don’t involve put downs or anger or threats, and they do not take away the focus on the child’s responsibility and power to make a choice in relation to the situation at hand. Without yelling at the child or saying “No!” in any way, we can say things like:

“I see that you really want to play with that toy. Should we tell our friend that we would like a two-minute turn with it or a five-minute turn with it before they can use it?  The toy will have to take a time out and go away if it makes our friends sad because it is not being shared. Let’s figure out a way to keep the toy available here in the play room so that we can all stay happy”.

“Can you both help me figure out a way where we can all play with the toy in a game together? It would be nice to be able to keep this toy in the play room but it can only stay if it is being shared. Should we do a toy trade for a little while between you two so that the toy can stay? What do you think? Is that a good idea? How can we help keep this toy in the play room? Do you have a better idea?”

B.) If the child refuses to share a toy, then we can impose the consequence of

 taking that particular toy out of the play room or yard for the remainder of the time so that the child understands that it is not his/her toy and that if he/she cannot share the toy then it is no longer available for play time.  The way we implement the consequence and the way we word things around the consequence is very important however.  If the child refuses to share after being presented with options, we swiftly and non-emotionally (without any anger) say that the toy is no longer available and we put it out of the child’s sight and reach. If the child becomes upset we can say with empathy, “I know that you are very disappointed because you really like that toy. Don’t worry, I’m sure that the toy will be available in the play room again tomorrow and it will be nice and ready to be shared between you and all of our other friends. If you ever want help to figure out a game where we can all play with the toy together let me know and I can try and help with some ideas.”

What we don’t want to do is lecture the student about how they should have shared with their friends.  This just focuses the student’s anger on us as an authority figure that took their toy away. If, instead, we let them know that we are in their corner and that we still like them and are available to help them figure out how to make better choices IF they ask us for the help, then the child tends to focus on the choice that he/she made and the consequence for that choice without us getting in the way of the process. In this way, the consequence becomes the learning opportunity for the child so that he/she realizes that his/her actions led to his/her unhappy circumstances and so that they ultimately learn the importance of sharing in a community setting.

C.) It is really important to model the interpersonal skills and language that these preschool students need when it comes to sharing with peers.  Students will imitate what they see and hear, so if they hear us frame the idea of sharing in a positive way and they see us doing it often with each other and with other preschoolers, they will pick up on this behavior as well. 

For example, if there is a new toy in the play room we can make a big deal of the toy and say things like “Wow! Can you believe this cool rocket! I can’t wait to share this toy with you my friends…can you help me come up with a game where we all get a turn to play with it together? It is so much more fun to play with a toy together than it is to play with it all alone! I think I have a sharing game that I want to show you with this rocket. Would you like to hear about it? Why don’t we…”

Also, always thank preschoolers out loud for sharing with their friends when you are supervising the play area. It is a great way to use student peers as role models and to praise (positively reinforce) good choices about sharing.

Teach the kids/students strategies for sharing. Teach them about taking two minute or five minute turns and give them the language to imitate about taking turns. Example: “I am really enjoying this toy right now. I am not ready to give it to you yet. May I please have a two minute turn with it and then I will be ready to share it with you?”.  Teach them about doing a trade. “I would like to trade that toy you have there for this toy that you want to play with. Is that a fair trade? Can we trade and then give our toys back when we are ready?” Finally, teach them how  to take turns picking animals, figures etc. from a pile so that each child gets the same number of toys from a pile and it is based on their preferences versus one child hoarding all 50 farm animal figurines for example. Giving the students the strategies and the language to share toys in a way they like is important.

Finally, make sure to model sharing with other parents and teachers by always having a cheery positive attitude about sharing whatever it is that our peers need. The children will pick up on this attitude and figure out that it is part of the culture of their preschool and that it is part of belonging to a community.

            Good luck!

Concern #3: How to deal with an upset child and tearful goodbyes at drop off

There exists a “Love and Logic Goodbye” that makes drop offs much easier at our preschool—whether you are on the “dropping off a child” end or “receiving a dropped off child” end of the interactions that occur during our school mornings. This “Love and Logic Goodbye” is based on the article “Start School with a Smile” by Dr. Charles Fay. The main premise of the article is that confidant parents tend to have confidant kids and worried parents tend to have worried kids when it comes to dropping young students off at school. We have to model the attitude that we want our children to have about being dropped off at school.  This article ties in with the emphasis on modeling attitudes for our children that the Love and Logic text has throughout its chapters. Children imitate the behavior and attitudes that we model for anything…including goodbyes at school. According to Dr. Fay, when parents spend too much time trying to calm their children’s fears about school, the child starts thinking that there must be a lot to fear if his/her parents are dedicating so much time focused on those fears.  The parent’s worry is transferred to the child and it communicates the parent’s doubt about whether the child can handle the situation on his or her own.

 The article also promotes the unprotective yet empathetic attitude that the Love and Logic text promotes when setting limits for our kids—in this case, the limit is that kids must allow themselves to be dropped off at their school without overly relying on parents during the morning transition. On the day of drop off, act like a confident parent that shows affection, tell the child you love him/her and then quickly leave despite the child’s upset reactions or separation anxiety. If a parent becomes visibly anxious or upset because of a child’s anxious or upset reaction to a good-bye, the parent’s behavior supports the idea that the child will not be okay without the parent. By leaving quickly and remaining unemotional and unprotective, parents show the child that they confidently believe that he/she can handle the situation and that he/she can face preschool and be okay without the parent. This goes in keeping with the Love and Logic principle that a parent has to give up control of a child’s situation and allow the child more control and ownership of his/her own situations. That said, one thing that might help with separation anxiety is giving the child a tour of the school before he or she starts.  As a result, I highly encourage bringing your child to co-op events planned before the actual start of school.

If the child is very upset at drop off, the parent volunteers that receive the child as the parent confidently walks away should also remain calm.  Act like you are confidant that the child will be okay and redirect the child’s attention instead of giving too much attention to the actual good-bye or the reaction that has occurred. Get the child involved in a group game or present them with a comforting toy or a comforting song that seems familiar to them. Remember to be empathetic as they deal with the good-bye without feeding into their fears. It is also useful for both the parent and parent volunteers that are dealing with the child to remind the child that the parent will see the child again right after lunch. Say it in a tone that does not make a big deal about the wait the child will have to endure until they see their parent—say it like it is very good news.

Good Luck!

Concern #2: Fighting Among PreSchoolers

In my three years of experience at SWPCC Preschool, physical fighting, either in the form of play or serious conflict, does become a valid concern in the upper preschool classroom between the four and five year old boys in particular.  Some of you have witnessed this fighting and wonder what is the most appropriate way to stop the fighting using the Love and Logic Approach.  To give advice on this particular situation, I will apply both the general Love and Logic Approach from the text, but also a very useful article on the Love and Logic website called: “Helping Aggressive Toddlers and Preschoolers Get Started Before It's Too Late!.” You can access this article and all sorts of useful articles based on the Love and Logic approach at www.loveandlogic.com.

As the author of this article, Dr. Charles Fay, asserts, time can be our biggest ally or our biggest enemy when it comes to dealing with aggressive behavior in young children.  It is important to ALWAYS address aggressive behavior at our co-op preschool for the good of the child, the safety of the children around him/her, and the sake of our respectful positive preschool culture. As in all other cases with the Love and Logic Approach, we need to set limits, allow for choices and apply consequences unprotectively yet with empathy.

We set limits on a child when they start putting their hands on another child by immediately removing the child from the situation so that they cannot hurt anyone.

The “Uh-Oh song” is a way to remove the child from the situation without escalating the conflict. When a young child is behaving aggressively, sing "Uh Oh" and place the child gently someplace else where we know the child will be safe and will not be able to trick us into giving them more attention while they are misbehaving. It is important to make sure to check in with a teacher about where that safe place can be for a child that needs to be removed before the situation ever arises. You also need to make sure that there is someone available to supervise the child in that place. Without yelling or threatening, we remove the child from the scene of the crime.  The key to success with the "Uh Oh Song" is to give the child little or no attention…positive or negative…while he is being removed from the situation. The fewer words we use while the child is misbehaving, the more effective we will be.  This idea is in keeping with the principles of the Love and Logic textbook because it allows the consequence of being removed from a group to teach the child about his choice versus having the child simply get angry at us because we are lecturing him about fighting. We are also following the Love and Logic principle of modeling behaviors we want to see in our children because we are demonstrating to a child a peaceful way of ending the conflict instead of reacting with aggressive words or behavior. Our own aggressive words or behavior would be showing an aggressive child that adults also resolve conflicts with aggression—so it is important to stay calm and treat the child un-protectively by imposing a consequence yet do it without anger.  Another key to success with the Uh-Oh song is to make certain that the child is calm before he is allowed to return.  

When the fighting child is in a separate place and is calm it is important not to lecture the child with anger. Instead we can show empathy for them as they face the consequence for their actions. Example: “I am sorry that you will not be joining us for outside play time in the next few minutes, but I’m sure we will have fun the next time you can come play nicely with our friends. What are some gentle games that you would like to play with them the next time that we get to go outside?   You can also commiserate with the child about different options on how to react when somebody is upsetting us. Example: “How do you think we can let Danny know next time that we didn’t like what they were doing?” We can teach them to “use their words” instead of their hands when they want to communicate that they want somebody to stop doing something or when they don’t like something that is being done to them.

Good luck! And remember to remain calm and do not give in to anger or aggression when you see them fight!

Concern #1 Clean Up Time in the Play Room

As many of you have shared, it is almost impossible for some of us to get our own one or two children to clean up after themselves at home. So how are we going to be expected to get a group of fifteen 3-5 year olds to clean up after themselves within a ten-minute time frame after playtime in the play room? First and foremost, I want to assure you that this is indeed possible to accomplish after spending three years watching our wonderful preschool teachers make this happen year after year. The Love and Logic Approach, combined with a few other "modeling" tricks, really help turn these preschoolers into responsible contributing members of our community when it comes to clean-up time. Here are some tips that work:

1.) Increase a sense of ownership of the task at hand in the children--make it THEIR problem/issue to be resolved that their playroom is messy and needs to be cleaned up if they want to join the teacher and parent volunteers at snack time.

Ways to increase ownership of the task:

--Assign two students to go to their peer group and pass on the message “We have two minutes until clean up time”. Hearing the message from their peers instead of an authority figure makes the students feel like it is a group project that is part of their day. It also instills a sense of ownership in the two students that are relating the message to their peers and they tend to “make sure” everyone is cleaning up when it is time to clean up.

--Encourage groups of students to be responsible for different sections of the room so that there is an increased sense of knowing what they need to finish before everyone heads downstairs for snack. When there is a smaller group cleaning up a section it is harder for a student to go unnoticed if they are not doing anything to help out. It increases accountability.

2.) Model a positive attitude towards cleaning up: Teacher and parent volunteers should model a positive attitude towards cleaning up and have fun with the children while they do it alongside them versus barking orders at them that it is a chore that must be completed no matter how boring it is.

--Saying comments like “I’m so happy that we always know where to find our toys, we always do such a great job cleaning them up and making sure they don’t get lost that way”.  “Isn’t fun to do a good job with our friends?”

3.) Present preschool students with choices and consequences in relation to the task at hand

--Present choices in an affirmative way without using the word “no”. Also, use thinking words when presenting clean up time: “You are welcome to join us for snack while Teacher Marcia reads a book out loud after you clean up. Which part of the room do you think needs the most helpers with clean up time today? What book do you think Teacher Marcia will read for us today?”

--When presenting a consequence:

” I understand that you don’t want to help our group of friends clean up right now, we will be sad that you won’t be with us when we are eating our yummy food and listening to Teacher Marcia’s funny story, but don’t worry we’ll make sure that you have a big lunch if you can’t make it to snack time.” (Make sure that there is an adult in the playroom to stay behind with students that do not clean up until they decide they will help clean up and go downstairs for snack—never leave the children unsupervised).

4.) Apply consequences in an unprotective yet uncritical way if they refuse to clean up.

Make sure that the uncooperative student stays in the playroom until they have helped clean something up. Do not let them convince you to let them go downstairs to eat a snack if they have not clean something up. (They eat lunch an hour later—so the suffering isn’t extreme).

--If they complain that they are hungry say—“I’m hungry too. Here, let’s both clean this part of the room up so that we can go down and eat before everyone puts the snacks away”. You are unprotective in that you don’t let them convince you to go downstairs to enjoy the story and food without doing the share of the work.

-- Be uncritical if the students decides not to clean up because you CANNOT lecture them about how they should clean up after themselves. When you lecture them, they can focus the anger on you for why they are not being allowed to go to snack time. When you don’t lecture them and instead commiserate with them about how hungry they are and how the problem might be solved, then the focus is back on them and their responsibility to make a good choice for themselves.

Good luck applying these strategies next week!

Welcome to Love and Logic SWPCC Blog

Hello fellow SWPCC parents!
This blog page is designed to address concerns expressed about how to most effectively teach our preschool children  at South West Parent Child Collective Preschool as parent-teacher volunteers this Fall of 2013. This blog is a follow up to the New Parent Orientation Pow Wow that we had last week. I appreciate your feedback about which potential situations with our preschool children are causing most anxiety in new parent volunteers as they prepare to enter the classroom this Fall. All concerns mentioned in this blog will be addressed from the standpoint of a parent and teacher (me!) learning to apply the Love and Logic Approach to teaching our children how to be responsible in our preschool context.